My first dissertation topic was not about consensual nonmonogamy between middle-aged gay men. Initially, I developed my dissertation centering on being queer and resilience building. I reviewed available resilience scales (e.g., RS, RS-14, etc.) and at the time, none focused on LGBTQ+ or queer populations. I was also interested in the aging gay population, and thought that ageism vs. resilience in the gay or queer experience might create new insights and perhaps even contribute to laying out a base or some type of research foundation for a queer-oriented or LGBTQ+ resilience scale.

The proposal went through some hiccups. I had always wanted to explore the nonmonogamous relationships within the gay population. One of my earliest relationships started out “closed” or monogamous, and turned into an open relationship. It was fine and I learned a lot. However, our open relationship did not last. Since that relationship, I have seen many friends, and friends of friends, got into consensual nonmonogamous relationships, or open relationships. Most did not work out, but a few did. One couple even got married. By the way, these are all male-male gay couples.

When it came to brainstorm my current dissertation project, which ended up being “the one” for me, I was curious about what middle-aged gay men went through to decide that consensual nonmonogamous relationships or CNM would be the type of relationship for them. What works, and what does not work for them? How do they see monogamy? Would they want to “close” their relationships ever, and why? Obviously the questions in the interview go deeper than these. If you are or you know any gay man, between 40 – 60 years old, and are in a consensual nonmonogamous (CNM) or open relationship, please reach out to me. I would love to learn and interview you or the people you know who are in CNM relationships. Thank you!