I was listening to new Cash Cuties episode while driving. The hosts, Fumi and Steffie, are always entertaining and perhaps they are Asian Americans, I find them and their experiences relatable. They usually go through their relationships, finances, regrets, Japanese- and Korean- American or typical AA experiences with a self-deprecating twist & humor. On their latest episode, they cover their usual topics on spending and dating. Towards the last third, Fumi shares he is in an open relationship. Typically, Fumi is the “nerd” that counters Steffie (who is the “edgier” half). He “follows the rules” and “more conservative.” I was surprised to hear that he and his girlfriend were open. I guess it could be a joke too, since he is a stand-up comedian.

I know there are gay men in their 40s and 50s are in open, or consensual non-monogamous relationships. They are out there somewhere. I am just not reaching them or have a hard time get them to participate in my dissertation on CNM! I have always known that a lot of middle-aged gay couples reside in metro, urban, or gay meccas in the U.S. are in consensual non-monogamous or open relationships. What lived experiences do they have? What CNM stories, themes, and meanings can gay men in middle adulthood share that are different from those in the 20s and 30s? I am curious and excited to learn more and help contribute to queer and/or LGBT research (i.e., fill the gap in literature, etc.)

I have tried various methods to recruit the participants since I received the IRB approval of my dissertation proposal (yes, I did take a month and a half off to visit family last Nov and Dec). The whole recruitment process has been a humbling experience. I know middle-aged gay men who have been in an open or CNM relationship for at least one year are out there! Today I am looking to fill out the interviewee and participant pool of 8-12. If you are or know someone who might be interested in my qualitative dissertation study, please help me spread the word and refer them here. Thank you!!